Shit, This Is Good Stuff

by DCJ | Friday, June 11, 2010

 

Other than having the privilege of smoking a joint with President Mohamed Nasheed once this year, I haven’t been as excited as today because it seems The Gay Revolution is finally happening! The Wackos-Skii Brother-Sister must be fucking High tonight. All hail to Maldivians waking up from The Matrix which they had been in for 30 odd years.

I may be jumping up too soon because personally I’m still not convinced that this Ubaid is really Maldivian. He could be another swindler like that Zakir guy! But Hilton says he is 99.99 percent sure about the uncut cock. “How many uncut cocks would a person like me be able to see in a 100 percent Islamic country?” Hilton wondered loud, when I disturbed his sleep.

“Anything I mumble in my twilight sleep should not be taken seriously,” he warned before his brain started shutting down again.

But I being brainier, I knew that now was the time to really open up Hilton’s subconscious and find out the truth.

After playing an MP3 titled ‘How Capitalism can make you Richer’, which is a 30-minute audio file guaranteed to put the listener under self-indulged hypnotism, I still managed to find out more or less the same thing we already know: Hilton is still sure about the face and the cock.

“It was huge and it was uncut and you don’t get to see both factors together in Maldives,” Hilton insisted, this time inserting technical jargon trying to throw us off the track. But I'm the better Sherlock here so the minute Hilton demonstrated his own Hypocrisy, I sensed it, like a seventh sense.

Anyway, I am pasting below contents of an email Hilton told me to upload before drifting off to sleep. Seems to me like an email from Ubaid.

Or from a person impersonating Ubaid. Forgive my skepticism but I don’t want people playing games with Hilton. So I warn you: Back off NOW! ALL OF YA!

The email had really bad grammar and I have tried my utmost to try to correct it as much as possible so that Ubaid’s original meaning to Hilton is not lost.

I have given a title to the mail which I hope sounds nice to the ear: ‘Joyous’ day for Maldivian Gays, Message from Ubaid to Drinkers of Cunt Juice:

I would 1st like to thank the 6 male CHSE students and 2 female CHSE students (who both wear the headscarf) for being the pioneering concept of this joyous blog. As I think back, I do wonder whether the days of my being fed up with blogging after Blogger shut down my blog twice has anything to do with my being able to summon the courage to finally come out.

I know that not all gays or other genders need to officially declare their sexual orientation to the public. It’s a personal thing, and it’s a personal choice whether you want to share such a personal thing with anyone else. As for me I decided to go transparent all the way, like my dear friend Hilath.

Though he is Conservative and is quite shy around my nakedness, I am glad that in some ways we are both similar because he is doing the same thing I am doing but he is doing it the way he knows and wants it to do.

So the Sexual Revolution is always a personal fight. But when like-minded people get together, we can get personal fights transformed into national struggles. Hopefully Rainbow Maldives will one day usher in a gayer Mahaldeeb.

I would like to once again thank my family and extended members for their years of tolerance of a ‘wild kandholhu’ and bore my weirdness with patience and love.

If not for Hilath and Warm Pixels I would have believed that true love was only the creation of Hindu polytheists.

I could go on with many if-nots but I think Enough is Enough!

By the way Friends I’m not allowed to expose myself too much. I was advised by Hilath that Ali Rameez lost his luster “because of too much media exposure by Haveeru Daily and its sisterly magazine Huvaas Weekly.”

Hence I may not be able to regularly contribute my nude photos because the agency only wants to expose ourselves in limited ways in order not to run out of the initial novelty.

Love,
Ubaid

"Hey," Hilton suddenly stops me as I was about to go out of his room to leave him in peace to sleep because basically this is Football Season so who gives a damn about some Maldivian Gay coming out?

"Hey," Hilton again. "Just tell everyone I don't really want to talk about Ubaid at all, at least not for the next 2 weeks. That is my estimated time when this new depression will be over for me."

"God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I thought I later heard Hilton scream but I couldn't be sure because I had already closed the heavy doors to his room.

I stayed listening for a few minutes, eavesdropping on him. When I heard his trademark snoring I left.

Happy Hukuring!

Via Drink Cunt Juice

Posted in: Gossip